Math Problem Twenty-Six: Of Sinners and Samurai
As Jack and his allies come upon a large clearing, the sounds of clashing metal and yelling reach their ears. They see a legion of men dressed in traditional Japanese armor, wielding katanas and 17th century firearms. Opposite them stand a throng of monsters, resembling human beings, but with bulbous, empty eyes; gaping, slobberous mouths; and bulging secondary sex characteristics. On they shamble, hearts filled with nothing but a base hatred for their foes.
“You are on path to destruction, oni chan!” One of the monsters exclaims.
“Nani!?” cries Jack in abject horror. “What are these monsters?”
Philip sighs in an empathetic yet ruggedly masculine way. “These are the souls of Zoomers and Samurai. The Zoomers lusted after Japanese cartoons in their hearts, so now they have been transformed into them in death. Opposite them stand so many brave Samurai, who are now forced to see what their once – great nation has exported to the world. These two armies will fight forever more, killing each other every day and rising to fight again each morning.
A volley of gunfire crashes into the Zoomers, and several of them fall. Yet, another is enraged. It contorts its body into a bizarre, disturbing position and screams “You will grovel before us, for we are men of culture! Know your fate! YOU DDDIIIEEE!!! CURSE YE HA ME HA!”
A blast of white light extends from its hands, and several Samurai burst into pillars of ash, obliterated by a burst of unbearable misfortune.
“Like, will these dudes ever like get into hand-to-hand combat?” Shaggy asks.
“Oh yes, eventually,” Philip responds. “The Zoomers are advancing toward the Samurai at an average pace of 13 miles per hour. If the Samurai are three and a half miles away from them, about how long will it take them to reach their foes?”