Math Problem Thirty-Four: Of Grindr and Meat Grinder
Jack and his friends now come upon a lovely, wooded forest. Pixies play in the puddles, alicorns nibble at the grass, and rainbows grace the sky.
“Wait a cotton - pickin minute!” exclaims Jack “This doesn’t look like Heck!”
“Oh yes, it is.” Says Philip “This is where gay people and murderers go. Apparently, the powers that be thought that it would be really cruel to force murderers to be in a peaceful, enchanted forest forever. Gay people go here because Dante said they went to the same place murderers did a thousand years ago, and nobody bothered to question him since then. The murderers really hate it here, but most of the gay people like it fine.”
Then, they see their old friend Hayden there.
“HOLY CINNAMON CRUNCH TOAST FUCK!” howls Jack “HAYDEN, ARE YOU A PRACTICING HOMOSEXUAL!?”
Hayden cringes a second and hangs his head in shame. “No, I’m a murderer.”
Jack lets out a sigh of relief and shrugs. “Oh, well that’s not so bad. How’d it happen?”
“Well, I became a really famous video game streamer before I died, and one of my top super - chatters decided to stop donating, so I threw him into a meat grinder. I was fleeing the scene on my 500 Euro bicycle, and then that Philip hit me full on with his car, although he tried to swerve away, leading him to smash into the car Chase and Kaegan were in. I got darned to Heck because I didn’t learn the world was created last Thursday at Pastor Jim’s Bible Church of East Pensacola. If my body weighed 195.5 pounds and accelerated away at 172 m / s second after I got hit, how many newtons of force did Philip hit me with?”