Our motley crew has moved on from the boomer fishery and made their way into the next circle of Heck. At first, it seems to be a perfectly normal town, filled with people raising children and doing their jobs. But then, Jack sees that all of the adults have tears streaming down their faces.

“What is this madness?” Jack asks. “Who are these people and why are they so depressed?”

“These,” says Philip, who is so wise that he knows the ins and outs of the whole afterlife, “are Millennials. In life, they refused to have children or jobs and to get off of their parents’ cellular plans. So now, for eternity, they are doomed to work, have families, and pay their own bills.”

A fat man at a hotdog stand checks his phone and bursts into tears. “No! No! My parents won’t let me stay on their Hulu subscription anymore! I’d been on that thing for seventeen years, and it cost $79.99 every year! How much money did they save me?” The poor man lets out a blood-curdling wail. “If I’m going to spend every minute of my spare time watching Hulu for a hundred and seventy-two years, how much will I pay!”

The poor man collapses onto his hotdog stand, overcome by the enormity of his loss, leaving Jack to calculate how much money his parents saved him.

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