Math Problem Twenty-Two: Enter Gigaphil
After wading through the corn – seas of purgatory for what feels like an eternity, Jack and Shaggy finally reach Limbo. Limbo appears to be a huge, indoor gym. For a second, they think that it’s empty, but then, they hear someone deadlifting in the distance. They follow the sound until, at long last, they see a huge beast of a man there. Standing at least eight feet tall, the man - beast is in enough muscle to make Arnold Schwarzenegger green with envy and even the straightest of men sound sightly gay. At first, Jack thinks the man’s barbell is loaded down with weights, but then he realizes that each side carries twelve minivans.
The man - if he is a man at all - turns toward them for a second, and Jack realizes that it’s his old friend, Philip.
“Philip!” Jack exclaims, “How’d you end up in Limbo?”
“Well, ten years ago, I was killed in a car crash on my way home from a Dungeons and Dragons game. Because of that transgression, and my lack of membership in Pastor Jim’s Bible Church of East Pensacola, I was forbidden from receiving the beatific vision. But, Saint Peter determined I was too much of a chad to be darned to Heck, so I was instead cast into Limbo for eternity. Five years age, the Lord came unto me in a vision, and told me I had been called to help you oppose Klaus Schwab and his Luciferian Agenda. So, I began lifting to better fight the good fight when the time comes.
“If each of these minivans weighs 3872 pounds, and I’ve been lifting them both every thirty seconds for the past five years, how many times have I lifted them? How much total weight have I lifted?"