In our quest to figure out whether the glass is half empty or half full, we interviewed several people of all faiths and no faith – God’s gotta have something to say about the great questions of life, right?

• The agnostic says: I don’t know.

• The strong agnostic says: You don’t know.

• The gnostic says: I know, and it makes me feel important, so you don’t get to know.

• The Catholic says: I know that her accidents are those a glass. But in essence, this object is obviously Natalie Portman. Damn … she’s so hot … [looks at glass, eyes glaze over, and begins to drool]

• The high - church Anglican says: OMG SISTER, you are SO RIGHT!!! SLAY QUEEN!!! [looks at Catholic, eyes glaze over, and begins to drool]

• The low - church Anglican says: Nah, that’s too far. Like, the glass is def Natalie Portman, but she’s just there in spirit or something.

• The Jew says: Huh? Why do you people think the glass is Natalie Portman?

• The Southern Baptist says: She isn’t!! They’re wrong!! It just commemorates her!! Or something!!