I Probably Won't Date Men
Over the past couple of years, I've admitted that I'm bisexual. I am attracted to women, but — a little less often — I find myself attracted to men. A few years ago, I couldn't be honest about this. I was still living with my parents, and I was marinating in conservative Christianity. I felt the same I do now, but it wasn't psychologically safe to admit it.
It's been a bit more obvious to my friends — around my last birthday, a couple of them staged an intervention where they went "David, we can tell you're at least bi. It doesn't make us think less of you, you're fine." And, somehow, that allowed me to be honest about it with myself.
Still, I'm not sure if I will end up dating men. Part of it is just math — most of the people who like men are women, so I'm more likely to collide with a compatible girl. And, I'd like kids, and I'm told that's easier when one of you has a uterus.
But, more than that, being functionally straight simply makes my life easier. I live in a conservative area, and I encounter plenty of homophobia. Worse, it would be a family scandal. My parents would be horrified, my uncle might disinherit me. If I was properly gay, I'd have to choose between being alone forever and pissing off my family. I'm sure I'd choose the later. It'd be devastating, but I'd do it.
Thankfully, I'm not in that position. I don't have to choose between dying alone and ruining my relationship with my family. I can just date girls, and they'll never have to know I'm not straight.